When I was a young man I didn't like to dance I was shy I'd stand against the wall all night I'd never take a chance So afraid I wouldn't get on that dance floor Unless I was really drunk 10 shots
But I found a place where the stars hang out And they taught me how to funk Real nasty It ain't too far away It's just on the edge of town Nearby But be ready when you get there 'Cause these folks don't fuck around
You can Rub your belly with Liza Minelli Covered in jelly, you're gonna rub your belly Jiggle your droopy balls with singin' Lou Rawis Bounce off the walls, then jiggle them droopy balls Grind your hips with the blond guy from CHIPS Lick your lips Stroke it clean with Martin Sheen It's fucking obscense Clench your ass-cheeks tight with sexy grandma Betty White You'll see the light when your sphincter's tight
If you don't know how to move Just feel the groove And dance Like you just shit your pants
Spin like a little girl With cross-dressing Milton Berle Just give it a whirl, pretend you're a little girl Wave that juicy weeno with legendary Al Pacino Wave your weeno, even more obsceno Knock back a drink with Colonel Klink Piss in the sink Bounce your beef with Omar Sharif What a relief Ring the disco bell with ice cream wizard Tommy Carvel Tommy Carvel gonna make your dink swell
Then spew all over the room With Mr. Jeffry Goldblum And dance Like you just shit your pants
Mr. Belvedere Fatty Fatty Finger in his own rear Bernard King Basketball, basketball Showing off his ding-a-ling Swimming Mark Spitz Moustache, moustache Playing with his hairy tits
Big Earl Weaver, Tommy Seaver Both of them got the boogie fever Shit your pants You can Do the hustle with seven-footer Billy Russell Do the fucking hustle, jerking your love muscle Shake your big, round ass with the ghost of Mama Cass
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