Alright now boys and girls we've got another story for you now! We want to introduce to you another friend of the Bible!
Hell yeah Hell yeah Hell yeah Hell yeah
If I were God there would be no explicit sex on T.V. Like little Opie eating pie when he made it with Aunt Bea
If I were God thou shall not worship false Billy Idols And thou shall add the Book Of Flavor Flav to the Bible Thou shall make fun of Hindus thou shall not make a "Speed 2" If I were God that's what I'd do Heavens no
Hell yeah Hell yeah Hell yeah Hell yeah
If I were God I'd get a bunch of slaves to do everything Norwegian lesbians that feed me grapes and know how to sing
If I were God thou shall not wear tube socks with Flip-Flops Thou shall sit and thou shall spin thou shall even wife swap Thou shall resist the Olsen Twins thou shall not cut "Footloose" If I were God that's what I'd do Heavens no
Hell yeah Hell yeah Hell yeah Hell yeah
And when they nail my pimpled ass to the cross I'll tell them I found Jesus that should throw them off He goes by the name Jesus and steals hubcaps from cars Oh Jesus can I borrow your crowbar? To pry these God damn nails out they're beginning to hurt Crucified and all I got was this lousy tee shirt "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!" I'll sing as I'm flogged Yeah that's what I would do if I were God So vote for me for Savior and you'll go to Heaven Your lame duck Lord is like Kevin Spacey in "Seven" With creepy threats of H-E-Double-Hockey-Stick You just can't teach an old God new tricks But would I be a good Messiah with my low self-esteem? If I don't believe in myself would that be blasphemy? Just sport some crummy "holier than thou" facade Yeah that's what I would do if I were God
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