Sheriff Fatman started out in business As a granny farmer He was infamous for fifteen minutes And he appeared in Panorama Then he somehow got himself on board The Starship Enterprise Allowance Scheme With a Price of Wales award For pushing valium and amphetamines
CHORUS Now he's moving up onto second base Behind Nicholas Van Wotsisface At six foot six and a hundred tons The undisputed king of the slums More aliases than Klaus Barbie The master butcher of Leigh-on-Sea Just about to take the stage The one and only Hold the front page
Fatman's got something to sell To the capitol's homeless At the Crossroads Hotel For the no-fixed-abodeless Where you can live life in style You can sleep in a closet And if you flash him a smile He'll take your teeth as a deposit
There's bats in the belfry The windows are jammed The toilets ain't healthy And he don'T give a damn He just chuckles and smiles And laughs like a madman A born again Rachman Here comes Sheriff Fatman
With his valium, amphetamines His sick notes and his phoney prescriptions And just when yo thought it was safe To go back in the kitchen, dead legs and cracked heads Bunk-beds and breakfasts Wake up you sleepy headcases...check this...
Moving up now to take the place Of Nicholas Van Wotsisface At six foot six and a hundred tons The undisputed king of the slums With more aliases than Klaus Barbie The master butcher of Leigh-on-Sea In a hatchback from Notre Dame The one and only Sheriff Fatman
In goes another left hook And now I'm losing my patience Someone call up Roger Cook and the United Nations He's buying up houses for hasbeens (help me) >From Lands End to Southend to Chelsea
There's bats in the belfrey The windows are jammed The toilets ain't healthy He don't give a damn He just chuckles and smiles And laughs like a madman Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Sheriff Fatman! -----
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