Here comes the knife Sinking deeper into my own flesh My life is rife With similar symbolic gesturesWhen I was just a little gobbler A-clingin to my daddy's wattle (?) One by one they took my friends away I guess this is indicative of what's happening to me
== I'm going down swimming in gravy (whoa whoa) I'm swimmin around but I'm not in the Navy (whoa whoa)
Now I'm alone And as naked as the day I was hatched And I prefer stuffing to potatoes But nobody asked Smothered in the blood of cranberries Listening to bad conversation About all the kids and the things that they did And Uncle Ron's constipation
== Now it's time to listen to another story from Uncle Norm...
Well, y'know, last year Uncle Ray asked me to goes fishin' with him up by The pond where he claims he caught a fish this one time as big as those Port-a-Potties that you piss in at the fair. I said, "Hey, Ray, you don't Know your butt from a hole in the ground half the time, but I'll goes fishin With you." Well, we musta been fishin for hours, and I was getting pretty Hungry, and Ray doesn't care, eh? Til he reaches down into the cooler, pulls Out this thing wrapped in tinfoil, turns out to be a hot dog. I say, "Hey, Ray, how about somma that hot dog, huh?" And Ray gets this funny look in His eye like I've never seen before and he says, "You want some hot dog? I'll give you some hot dog!" And the next thing I know he's got my pant Down around my ankles and he's doin things to me I'm too embarrassed to Talk about! Well, needless to say, that was the last time me and Uncle Ray's Goes fishin.
Here comes the knife And I'm one step closer to eternity My whole life For a chubby suburban family Well I've done all the things that I oughta And soon on angels' wings I'll fly And I'm going to go to where the good turkeys go To that big Thanksgiving dinner in the sky Where I'll sing
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