I am the very model of a modern major general I've information vegetable, animal, or mineral I know the kings of England and I quote the fights historical >From Marathon to Waterloo in order categorical
I'm very well acquainted too with matters mathematical I understand equations both the simple and quadratical About binomial theorem I am teeming with a lot of news With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse
I'm very good at integral and differential calculus, I know the scientific names of beings animalculous, In short on matters vegetable, animal, or mineral, I am the very model of a modern major general
I know our mythic history King Arthur and Sir Carodocks I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabolus In conics I floor peculiarities parabolous
I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerald Dows and Zophanies I know the croaking chorus from "The Frogs" of Aristophanies Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore And whistle every air of the infernal nonsense "Pinafore"
Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonian cuneiform And tell you every detail of Caractacus's uniform In short in matters vegetable, animal, or mineral, I am the very model of a modern major general
In short, when I know what is meant by "mavelon" and "ravelin" When I can tell at sight a mauser rifle from a javelin When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at And when I know precisely what is mean by "commissariat"
When I know what advances have been made in modern gunnery When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy You'll say a major general has never sat a gee.
For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury, Has only been brought up to the beginning of the century, But still in matters vegetable, animal, or mineral, I am the very model of a modern major general!
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